Do you ever just get in the car to drive, because you need to get out of the house and you find driving is relaxing and gives you time to think? Yesterday I did this and while I was driving I was thinking about how I am now 52 years old and I have lived most of my life trying to make other people happy or relying on other people for my happiness.
This past year I have started to work on this, but I really need to take this to another level. I need to accept myself for who I am and love me for me and all that I am. I need to stop comparing myself to that skinny girl that sits around the corner from me at work and looks great in those really short skirts that I can't wear anymore because I have cellulite in my legs that I don't want to show. (did I really just get that whole sentence out in one breath?) Its funny how you forget that when you were in your 20's and 30's you looked great in those too.
Aging is a complicated process and I think more difficult for women than for men...or so it seems to me. You cover up your gray hair, you fret over every pound you pack on that you have to work four times as hard to try and work off as you did 10 years ago.
And then there is the man thing - the complicated and simply frustrating situation that only another single woman can understand. You fret over if you are still attractive to men, are you cute, pretty, not too fluffy, fun, smart, and the list goes on and on... This is INSANITY and for me it is stopping now!
This year I have gained some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life and they have given me the courage and the strength to realize that I am just wonderful the way I am and that I don't need to justify myself to anyone or have a man to affirm that I am attractive or acceptable. It is time to start living life for ME! This does not mean that I will be selfish, not at all...that is not in my character and could never happen. What this means is that I am going to embrace who I am and embrace life and start doing things that "I" have always wanted to do and living this next half of my life to the fullest and not worrying about what other people think. I am going to sing and bop in my jeep to Adele at the top of my lungs and I don't care if that guy/gal in the car next to me thinks I am a nut job! I am going to strike up a conversation with the person in line at the grocery store because I am interested in what they put up on the belt to purchase and we are going to swap recipes after having this discussion. I am going to sing as I walk around the block while getting my exercise and listening to tunes and I don't really care who is listening! I am going to make art that others will say is weird and I am going to love it and hang it on my wall and be proud of my artistic abilities! Oh this list goes on and on...
That said...I have already booked my trip to Ireland, a HUGE step for me but one I know is going to be a life changing event and one that will allow me to spend time with some of the most awesome people that I have met in my lifetime, and I cannot wait! I will be going and doing things that I haven't done in my life before because for some reason I was scared or someone else told me I couldn't....hope that you will follow me on these new life journey's as I will be blogging away about them!